My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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