im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
