before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
