he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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