i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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