Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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