rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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