i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
