guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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