It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
