Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
