I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
