how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
