So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
