my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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