ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
