Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
