well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
