6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I FOUND THE LEGS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
