Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
