Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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