I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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