Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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