if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
