It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
