I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
