This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
