the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
