Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
