I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
two words...techno handjob
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
