he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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