Porn is love you can see.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
