I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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