if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
