The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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