I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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