I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize