We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
