Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
