sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
