Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize