I think I am morally bankrupt
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
