can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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