Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
