The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
