My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
