That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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