My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
