i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
