Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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