I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
