Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
