what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
