am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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