Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
did you just send me my own nude
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
