I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
