I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
