I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
