if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
