Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
