it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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