we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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