one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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