There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
