His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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