im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
