garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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