There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize