No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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