I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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