Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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