So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
