Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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