I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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