this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This baby is an asshole
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
