dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Two words: nipple clamps
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